What Not to Do: Six Things to Keep in Mind When Helping a Farmer with a Mental Health Challenge

By Lesley Kelly, Farmer and Co-Founder of the Do More Agriculture Foundation

When a farmer, neighbor, friend or loved one is dealing with a mental illness or challenge, family, friends and peers can play an important role on their journey to recovery. Yet you may feel at a loss for what to say or do. As an industry, we’ve never been taught these important and necessary skills: How to reach out, check in and provide support when a peer and loved one is going through a hard time. These skills are so important because the support of loved ones and trusted peers can help the person recognize how they are feeling, the impact it’s having on their life, and the need for professional support or treatment.

There are several important ways you can provide support, including offering consistent emotional support and understanding, giving the person hope for their future and providing practical help with tasks, on or off the farm that may be difficult.

It's also important to understand what responses may be unhelpful, or worse—damaging to someone who has opened up to you.

Here are some of the most common mistakes of what not to say, as well as supportive things to say to help a farmer or your loved one feel accepted and appreciated as they navigate their mental health problems.

1) Try to “fix” things your way - Working and living on the farm, ‘fixing’ is in our blood. Although your heart is in the right place, your friend or loved one might not want your advice, especially if they haven’t asked for it. They may not want you to ‘fix it.” Instead, ask them if they’d like to come up with ideas together and think about what usually makes them feel better.

2) Belittle their experience - There’s always more to someone than what you can see. If they’re experiencing anxiety, comments such as “don’t worry,” “calm down” or "you wouldn't feel this way if…" feel dismissive. Mental health issues and their causes are complex, and many people wear themselves out emotionally by searching for the causes of their suffering. Placing blame leads to unnecessary distress and takes time to understand what is going on. Similarly, comments like “cheer up” or “look on the bright side” won’t help someone living with depression. Even if you don't entirely understand what your friend or loved one is going through, you can still be there for them in a healthy, supportive way. Listen to them without judgment and make sure they know they're not alone. It's also important to let your loved one lead the conversation so you're able to talk about topics they feel comfortable discussing.

3) Tell them to “put their head down and work through it” - While this may help at certain times or situations, the stressors of farming may be having a bigger negative impact, physically and/or mentally on the person, resulting in further challenges. Instead, listen to the person share their situation and ask how you can support them in this difficult time.

4) Make comparisons - Lots of different things can affect someone like loneliness, stress, or low self worth. All reasons are valid. Try not to compare or play “who has it worse?” Although it's comforting to know someone else is going through something similar, right now they need space to talk about what’s going on with them and how they feel.

5) Force them to share - Respect their boundaries. No one owes you an explanation if they choose not to share something with you. Some will confide in those closest to them and others find it easier to tell people they don’t know. For some, just knowing they can talk to you when they need to is enough.

6) Burn yourself out - Don’t overextend your support to others or disregard yourself. It can be overwhelming, tiring and frustrating at times to help someone who is dealing with a mental health condition. In these situations, take time to protect your mental health and remember that you are an important part of helping someone on their journey to recovery.

If you're seeking agriculture-specific resources to support your mental health and wellbeing, we encourage you to visit our Find Support page. Here, you'll find a curated list of tools, programs, and services tailored to the unique needs of the agricultural community.

For peer-to-peer support and a safe, anonymous space to connect with others in the industry, join us at AgTalk. This platform offers an opportunity to share experiences, gain insights, and find solace in the shared understanding of the challenges faced in agriculture.