By Lesley Kelly, Farmer and Co-Founder of the Do More Agriculture Foundation

This year’s Mental Health week focused around empathy and we’ve heard this term become more prevalent, especially these past couple years with going through a pandemic and farming stressors like weather adversities, supply shortages, inflation, etc.

What is empathy and why is it important?

According to the Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) curriculum, empathy is “being able to imagine yourself in the other person’s place, showing the person that they are truly heard and understood by you.” 

Empathy is important because it helps us regulate our emotions, connect with others and feel less isolated. There is lots of research showing that greater empathy leads to more helping behaviour. Essentially, it is one of agriculture’s super powers. In agriculture, we share many commonalities, with one being going through adversity and facing many stressors that are outside of our control. Having this shared experience and being empathetic is one of the best and most important things we can all do for our neighbours and others in our communities and industry who are going through a hard time and help with the mental health crisis.

In other words, practicing empathy is walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. It’s feeling with someone who is experiencing something that’s hard, sad or scary. In action, it’s listening, without judging and asking questions.

You might think that sounds a lot like sympathy but the two are very different. Sympathy is when you feel “for” someone. Sympathy sounds like “I feel sorry for you,” and “I can’t believe that happened.” Empathy is when you feel “with” someone and it sounds like “How did that make you feel,” and “Do you want to talk about it?

In farming terms, while empathy is walking a mile in someone else’s shoes or boots, sympathy is feeling sorry their feet hurt. Sympathy is usually about you and it might seem like it helps but most of the time it doesn’t. Empathy is always about someone else and takes more time, but it also creates comfort and connection. That’s why knowing the difference can be key when helping someone. 

So how do you put empathy into action? Say, when someone shares with you they lost their crop or livestock and are going through a hard time, or having a hard and stressful day. Empathy isn’t a one-size-fits all approach but here are some steps to help guide us in how best to show up for others:

1. First, take a deep breath. Don’t be in a rush to tell them how you feel. Take the time to think about how they feel.
   

2. Second, listen. You don’t have to do all the talking. It’s okay to let them share. Empathy can even sound like silence. Just being there with someone and listening can be the most powerful thing in the world.
   

3. Third, ask questions. Find out what they’re thinking and feeling. Don’t judge or assume. Be curious and ask questions to help understand their world.
   

4. Fourth, imagine. Maybe the exact same thing happened to you, or maybe you’ve never gone through what they’re struggling with. Try to imagine and put yourself in their shoes to feel what they feel. It’s not about fixing, solving or saving them. It’s not about you and how you can make things better. It’s about just feeling with them, which is what we typically want and need when something is hard, sad or scary.

Empathy may come naturally to some and to others, it may take a bit more practice. Just like learning how to drive a tractor, being empathetic takes some practice but it’s one of the most courageous and creative things you can do.

It’s also important to keep in mind that even when you’re supporting others, it’s possible to burn out and experience empathic distress and compassion fatigue, so you have to monitor your own well-being. Pay close attention to any changes in your sleep or appetite, as those can be indicators of stress. You might also keep a journal to track your own emotional highs and lows, such as feeling more irritable and hopeless. All of these might be signs that you need to pull back from helping others to look after yourself.

If that’s the case, give yourself permission to take a pause, practice self-care, and seek out spaces to process your emotions, recover and recharge. After all, empathy isn’t a rescue mission. In the end, it should be rewarding for the giver and the receiver.

If you or someone in your family or farm team are going through a hard and stressful time, reach out to a professional. For local crisis contacts and resources visit https://www.domore.ag/crisis-contacts.