10 Tips on How to Ask For Help When You're Struggling

By Lesley Kelly, Farmer and Co-Founder of the Do More Agriculture Foundation

Sometimes, life can be tough. And when life’s tough, things can get overwhelming and make it hard to manage your feelings. But you don’t have to go it alone.

Reaching out for help isn’t easy. It’s common to feel unsure about how to ask, or wonder if you need to reach out at all. But asking for help is always okay. Whether you’re going through something big right now, have an ongoing mental health problem that needs support, or you’re just having a bad day on or off the farm, the important thing is not to try and cope on your own.

Asking for help is the first step to feeling better. Here is some advice to help you start. 

Who to turn to

Everyone’s support network is different and only you can know best who you feel most comfortable to turn to. But when you’re ready to reach out, there are plenty of people who can help.

• Family and friends

• A helpline

• Your doctor

• A support network or group

• A faith leader

Barriers to reaching out for help

There are lots of things that might be stopping you from asking for help. You might be worried about:

• what others might think

• the problems not being serious enough, or not being taken seriously

• putting an extra strain on mental health services

• help being unavailable, difficult to get, or not being right for you

• things getting worse when you ask for help, like making your family worry

• how to ask for help or how to express your concerns

It’s normal to feel worried about these things. But don’t let this stop you reaching out. It’s always okay to ask for help. Your feelings are valid and you are not burdening anyone by speaking up.

You deserve help and support

Sometimes when you reach out for help, the person you talk to might not react the way you hoped. This can be really tough.They might not share the same understanding of mental health as you, perhaps because of their culture, age or gender, or there might be another reason they’ve reacted that way. But know that if this happens, their reaction is about them, not you.

Don’t let people’s reactions discourage you from reaching out again, whether that be to the same person or someone else you trust. Remember, you can always contact a helpline for support.

Things to keep in mind

Opening up about how you feel can be scary. It's normal to worry about how people will react or that talking about things might cause other problems. But reaching out is always okay and it’s the first step to getting better. Here are some tips to help you talk to someone.

1. Know when you need help. Learn to recognize the signs that you need some extra support (and any patterns of social withdrawal). Have you been stuck in your own head lately? Is there anything you’ve been bottling up? Is that impacting your day-to-day life? When’s the last time you reached out or felt connected to someone else? 

2. Think about the outcome you want. What do you want to get from the conversation? You might want practical advice and support, or perhaps you just need someone to listen. It’s okay if you’re not sure what you want, but if you do know, tell the person you’re reaching out to so they know how best they can help.
   
   If you want what you share to be kept private, it might be helpful to say this before you start the conversation and explain why. Not everyone you speak to will be able to keep what you say private, but they will tell you if they need to pass the information on.

3. Be mindful of boundaries. You should absolutely ask for help when you need it. Just be conscious of where the other person is at physically, emotionally, and mentally. Make sure you’re keeping healthy boundaries and expectations. Ask if they have the time and space, and respect if they’re at capacity. 

4. Choose your method of communication. Sometimes speaking face-to-face can feel too much. If that’s the case for you, there are lots of other ways you can reach out for help. Whether it's by text, over the phone, or in a letter or email, think about how you feel most comfortable to express yourself.

5. Pick your time and place. Talking about how you feel is already tough, so make it easier for yourself by picking a time and place that works for you. It can help to find a quiet, private space where you can talk without interruptions.

6. Ask for what you need. This means you’ll need to do a little introspection. What are you feeling, and what are those feelings trying to tell you? What do you need at this moment, and what would help fulfill that? Here are some common examples: 

   1. I feel overwhelmed. I need rest. I’ll ask them to take something off of my plate. 

   2. I feel sad. I need connection. I’ll ask to spend quality time with them. 

   3. I feel anxious. I need reassurance. I’ll ask for advice about this situation. 

      You don’t have to be able to perfectly articulate what you’re going through or have a full game plan for fixing it. But the more direction you have, the easier it’ll be to get the help you need. If you don’t know what you need, it’s okay to acknowledge it. Ask to talk through it together and see what comes up. 

7. Give yourself permission to ask. Asking for help can feel scary. You’re putting yourself out there and showing a lot of vulnerability — but also tremendous courage. The people who love you will recognize that and be happy to help. If you’re having doubts, put yourself in their shoes: How would you feel if a friend or neighbour came to you with the same request? Give yourself the compassion that you would give other people. 

8. Follow-up afterwards. When people show up for you, let them know how much it means to you. Thank them for their support, tell them how their actions impacted you, and offer to repay the favor when you can. People like knowing that they made a difference for the folks they care about, and it’ll also give them more confidence in how to support you in the future. 

9. Be patient. Remember that the first conversation you have with someone doesn’t have to be the last. It’s unlikely that everything will be magically better after one conversation, but know that it’s a really positive first step. Take the conversation at your own pace. You don’t have to share everything right now if you don’t want to. If you think it would be helpful to have another conversation but you need some time, try saying: "It's been really helpful to talk to you about how I'm feeling. I'd really like it if we could talk about this again sometime soon."

10. How to ask for help

These are just a few examples of texts you can send or things you can say to ask for help. 

WHEN YOU WANT TO GAUGE THEIR AVAILABILITY: 

I’d like to ask for your help with something. Is there a time today when you’re free to talk?

I’ve been struggling with something lately, and I could use your help. Do you have the time and space to listen right now?

I’d really appreciate your help with something. Could you let me know when you’re free to talk through it? 

I was wondering if you could do me a favor. Is now a good time for you to talk? 

WHEN YOU’RE ASKING FOR SOMETHING SPECIFIC:

I’m feeling really overwhelmed at the farm right now but I know fresh air is good for my mental health. Could we take a walk together this week? 

I’m in a bit of a slump with my mental health right now. Reaching out feels tough, but I want to stay in touch. Could you check in on me every so often?

I’ve been struggling to adjust after I lost my dad last month, and it feels pretty lonely. I could really use your company. Can we grab a bite to eat this week?

WHEN YOU’RE NOT SURE WHAT YOU NEED:

I’m not sure what to do, but I’m open to any ideas. Do you have any thoughts? What usually helps you in situations like this?

I don't know what I need right now. Would you mind talking through it with me? Maybe we could find some solutions together. 

I’m not sure what I need from you, but processing out loud could be helpful. Could I just talk with you about how I’m feeling and see what comes up? 

I’m not ready to talk about it, but I don’t think I want to be alone right now. Can we call and just chat for a bit? I’ll let you know if I think of anything else I need. 

Waiting for support

It can be incredibly frustrating when you reach out for support with your mental health, only to find long waiting lists and overwhelmed support services. It’s disheartening to realize that the system designed to help you might not be there for you when you need it most. But don’t give up hope. Even though the road to getting support may be challenging, it’s worth sticking with it. Your wellbeing matters and taking the first step to ask for help is incredibly brave. While you’re waiting, reach out to friends and family, people you trust, or online support groups and helplines. You are not alone on this journey, and there are people out there who can help you through this difficult time.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, remember that support is available. AgTalk provides a safe and anonymous space for individuals in the agricultural community to connect, share, and receive support. Don't hesitate to reach out and explore the resources available at AgTalk for guidance and assistance. For more support visit our Find Support page.